Conversation toolkit
What to say, and what to say instead
The quality of the information staff receive depends almost entirely on how the question is asked. These prompts are short, nonjudgmental, and organized by barrier.
Openers with students
- “I noticed you haven't been here as much lately, and I wanted to check on you — not to get you in trouble.”
- “You're not in trouble. I want to figure out what's making school hard right now.”
- “You know your situation better than I do. Help me understand it.”
- “If we could fix one thing that would make getting here easier, what would it be?”
Closing the conversation
- “Here's what I'm going to do, and here's when I'll check back with you.”
- “If this plan stops working, who will you tell?”
- “Thank you for telling me. That helps more than you know.”
Openers with families
- “I'm calling because we care about your student, not because they're in trouble.”
- “I want to understand what's making school attendance hard right now so we can help.”
- “What have you already tried? I don't want to suggest something you've been doing for months.”
- “Who at the school should you be able to call when a hard morning happens?”
Prompts by barrier
Select the barrier you are exploring.
Ask the student
- “We've noticed getting here has been harder lately. What is getting in the way?”
- “Are certain days or classes harder than others?”
- “Is anything happening at school, or outside of school, that we should know about?”
- “What support would actually help?”
Ask the family
- “What is making consistent attendance difficult right now?”
- “What have you already tried?”
- “Is there a school-related concern we should understand?”
- “What support would be helpful?”
Phrases to avoid — and better alternatives
Avoid
“Why aren't you coming to school?”
Try instead
“We've noticed getting here has been harder lately. What is getting in the way?”
Removes blame and asks about an obstacle instead of demanding a justification.
Avoid
“Do you know how many days you've missed?”
Try instead
“Can I show you what the attendance picture looks like right now, so we're seeing the same thing?”
Shares information instead of using it as evidence against the family.
Avoid
“Your child is truant.”
Try instead
“Attendance has reached the point where the district is required to send a notice. Separately, I want to understand what would help.”
Keeps the legal requirement clear while making the support conversation possible.
Avoid
“You need to get him here.”
Try instead
“What part of the morning is hardest right now, and what could we change together?”
Invites problem-solving instead of triggering defensiveness.
Avoid
“If this continues, we'll have to go to SARB.”
Try instead
“I'd like us to solve this here. If it continues, there is a district process — I'd rather we not need it.”
States the reality without making the first conversation a threat.
Avoid
“There's no excuse for missing this much school.”
Try instead
“Something is making this hard. I'd like to understand what it is.”
Assumes a barrier exists, which is usually true, and keeps the family talking.
Avoid
“Is everything okay at home?”
Try instead
“Is there anything happening — at school or outside of school — that we should know about?”
Less intrusive, broader, and does not imply the home is the problem.
Avoid
“You just need to try harder.”
Try instead
“What would make coming here easier tomorrow than it was today?”
Focuses on a concrete, changeable next step instead of the student's character.
Avoid
“We've already tried everything.”
Try instead
“Here's what we've tried and what happened. What haven't we understood yet?”
Keeps the case open to a barrier no one has identified.